In a shocking turn of events, Hope Smith and Lizzy Warren, President and Vice President of the sorority formerly known as the Zetas, were arrested on multiple charges of embezzlement. As has been kept incredibly tight-lipped over the past week and a half, Zeta had engineered a campaign to disaffiliate its chapter from its nationals, … Continue reading Local sorority caught in grand embezzlement scheme
With a spring in her step and a contrived smile on her face, First Year student Sage Jennings made a beeline to the Colonnade to study in the wildly impractical 3 p.m. glare. Sporting “Feel the Burn,” “Love Your Mother,” and “Outing Club” stickers on her Macbook Air Pro, Jennings “looked like she was enjoying … Continue reading Opportunistic first-years flock to Colonnade on uncharacteristically mild February day
“Yeah, you heard me. Fuck you, in particular, you sack of shit,” Virginia Department of Transportation President Mike Dorvino said in a statement earlier today, reportedly aimed specifically at you. Upon being asked for clarification, Dorvino made an obscene gesture, made fun of the fact that you didn’t go anywhere cool for February Break, and … Continue reading VDOT to triple number of 18-wheelers on I-81 to Lexington because fuck you
Students across the community congratulated EC candidate James Reidt yesterday - not for his win in the polls (which he lost in a landslide), but his comedic brilliance. Reidt, whose campaign slogan read “MAKE THE REIDT CHOICE,” reportedly made nine friends in DHall by introducing himself to those who complimented his willingness to spend $35 … Continue reading EC candidate lands standup comedy tour following pun-based slogan
LEXINGTON - “In love with my date,” Bethany Robertson’s third-to-last SnapStory video said just hours ago, picturing a half-consumed glass of wine and what appeared to be a few Dove dark chocolate candy wrappers in the background. With some Napa Thai chicken fried rice on the way and a Netflix series finally picked out, Robertson … Continue reading Zing! Area single woman makes wine joke on Valentine’s Day
Mock Convention proved to W&L that the “road to the White House” did indeed run “through our house.” Students will soon see that the road away from the White House also runs through our house. In what seemed to be an antiquated Goldman Sachs speakers contract, her fee appeared to had been penciled down by … Continue reading Cash-strapped Clinton excitedly accepts Contact Committee offer to speak on campus
Although the next issue of The Spectator, a Magazine of Alternative Fact and Opinion, will not be coming out for some time, a staff writer decided to share his forthcoming work with the Radish. “Washington and Lee Hates Liberty? Dean Evans and the Liberty Hall Academy Fire” accurately portrays Dean Sidney Evans as an arsonist … Continue reading Spectator enthusiast leaks forthcoming exposé
Last week America’s sweetheart, Punxsutawney Phil-appointed over his daughter Ivanka by Donald Trump-saw his shadow in the Pennsylvania town that’s historic for no reason. According to rich American culture, the shadow sighting means winter will last for another six weeks regardless of anyone’s thermal observations. Steve Bannon, Trump’s chief strategist and former Breitbart News executor, … Continue reading Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow; Steve Bannon confirms climate change is a myth
Following President Trump’s recent security-first executive order, many students showed their discontent by taking to the Colonnade. For many, the inspirational speeches, rallying, and protesting showed their support for friends and family members whose status in America may soon become hazy. For an unexpected “squad” of affluent white females, however, one point was continually reiterated … Continue reading Fearing uncertain future of family private islands, area white females join demonstration against Trump Travel Ban
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