Local sorority caught in grand embezzlement scheme

In a shocking turn of events, Hope Smith and Lizzy Warren, President and Vice President of the sorority formerly known as the Zetas, were arrested on multiple charges of embezzlement. As has been kept incredibly tight-lipped over the past week and a half, Zeta had engineered a campaign to disaffiliate its chapter from its nationals, … Continue reading Local sorority caught in grand embezzlement scheme

Opportunistic first-years flock to Colonnade on uncharacteristically mild February day

With a spring in her step and a contrived smile on her face, First Year student Sage Jennings made a beeline to the Colonnade to study in the wildly impractical 3 p.m. glare.  Sporting “Feel the Burn,” “Love Your Mother,” and “Outing Club” stickers on her Macbook Air Pro, Jennings “looked like she was enjoying … Continue reading Opportunistic first-years flock to Colonnade on uncharacteristically mild February day

VDOT to triple number of 18-wheelers on I-81 to Lexington because fuck you

“Yeah, you heard me. Fuck you, in particular, you sack of shit,” Virginia Department of Transportation President Mike Dorvino said in a statement earlier today, reportedly aimed specifically at you. Upon being asked for clarification, Dorvino made an obscene gesture, made fun of the fact that you didn’t go anywhere cool for February Break, and … Continue reading VDOT to triple number of 18-wheelers on I-81 to Lexington because fuck you

EC candidate lands standup comedy tour following pun-based slogan

Students across the community congratulated EC candidate James Reidt yesterday - not for his win in the polls (which he lost in a landslide), but his comedic brilliance. Reidt, whose campaign slogan read “MAKE THE REIDT CHOICE,” reportedly made nine friends in DHall by introducing himself to those who complimented his willingness to spend $35 … Continue reading EC candidate lands standup comedy tour following pun-based slogan

Zing! Area single woman makes wine joke on Valentine’s Day

LEXINGTON - “In love with my date,” Bethany Robertson’s third-to-last SnapStory video said just hours ago, picturing a half-consumed glass of wine and what appeared to be a few Dove dark chocolate candy wrappers in the background. With some Napa Thai chicken fried rice on the way and a Netflix series finally picked out, Robertson … Continue reading Zing! Area single woman makes wine joke on Valentine’s Day

Cash-strapped Clinton excitedly accepts Contact Committee offer to speak on campus

Mock Convention proved to W&L that the “road to the White House” did indeed run “through our house.” Students will soon see that the road away from the White House also runs through our house. In what seemed to be an antiquated Goldman Sachs speakers contract, her fee appeared to had been penciled down by … Continue reading Cash-strapped Clinton excitedly accepts Contact Committee offer to speak on campus