Following President Trump’s recent security-first executive order, many students showed their discontent by taking to the Colonnade. For many, the inspirational speeches, rallying, and protesting showed their support for friends and family members whose status in America may soon become hazy.

For an unexpected “squad” of affluent white females, however, one point was continually reiterated – I swear to God, Trump, don’t you touch anything near my family’s new summer home in Kyra Panagia Beach, Greece, or you’ll be sorry.

When asked why she was there to protest, a stone-faced Felicity Williams simply held up a picture of last year’s mid-summer tan, knowing she wouldn’t be close to that at this year’s current legal pace.

“Like, honestly, it’s pretty unconstitutional to tell me where I can and can’t go lay out,” Williams ranted. “My dad’s working on it right now, and he’s a lawyer.”

Applauding Williams’ “so true” words, Kathryn White added, “This puts so many pledge class Spring Break plans in jeopardy!”

The crowd appeared to be perplexed, unsure of whether these girls knew what exactly they were gathered in front of the Colonnade to protest.

After a few more dozen “like,” “um,” and “yeah” –filled moments of impassioned speaking, the group decided they had done their jobs and promptly headed to Hillel to get a jump on this week’s juice cleanse.

-Jason Renner ’19