Out-of-town Girlfriend Materializes for Fancy Dress Weekend

The elusive out-of-town girlfriend of that guy on your hall has magically appeared for Fancy Dress. After nearly a year of existing only in vague mentions and the occasional tag in a Facebook meme, the out-of-town girlfriend arrived late last night from a school you can't quite remember.      "I kind of thought she … Continue reading Out-of-town Girlfriend Materializes for Fancy Dress Weekend

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Incoming Freshmen Notice Lack of Crayon Costumes on Campus

The Class of 2022 Facebook group and other channels of communication for prospective students have been abuzz with the sudden disappearance of students dressed as crayons that were once seen all across campus. "One of the people that DM'ed me off of the GroupMe said that he saw all these girls dressed head to toe … Continue reading Incoming Freshmen Notice Lack of Crayon Costumes on Campus

Student Previously Thought to be Fake Spotted Eating Bagel

Alleged sophomore Jack Goodacre was spotted in Hillel early Monday morning eating a cereal bagel. Onlookers were alarmed not by the poor choice in bagels, but by his mere presence. “I really thought he wasn’t real.” said Anna Smith ’19. “No one I’ve talked to has ever seen him around campus.” “I thought his Instagram … Continue reading Student Previously Thought to be Fake Spotted Eating Bagel