The elusive out-of-town girlfriend of that guy on your hall has magically appeared for Fancy Dress. After nearly a year of existing only in vague mentions and the occasional tag in a Facebook meme, the out-of-town girlfriend arrived late last night from a school you can't quite remember. "I kind of thought she … Continue reading Out-of-town Girlfriend Materializes for Fancy Dress Weekend
The Class of 2022 Facebook group and other channels of communication for prospective students have been abuzz with the sudden disappearance of students dressed as crayons that were once seen all across campus. "One of the people that DM'ed me off of the GroupMe said that he saw all these girls dressed head to toe … Continue reading Incoming Freshmen Notice Lack of Crayon Costumes on Campus
The Registrar's Office has announced that after years of terrible parking jobs throughout campus, an FDR focusing on proper vehicle parking technique will be introduced in the Fall Term 2018 course offerings. "You kids are meant to be smart, but these are the worst parking jobs we've ever seen," a Registrar representative said. "This FDR … Continue reading Parking FDR to be Introduced Next Fall
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): The Sun is in Pisces until March 20, which will light up your passions and energy until they come grinding to a halt in the confusion and stress of the housing lottery. Happy birth month! Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): There are a rare two, beautiful full moons … Continue reading Your March Horoscope
Alleged sophomore Jack Goodacre was spotted in Hillel early Monday morning eating a cereal bagel. Onlookers were alarmed not by the poor choice in bagels, but by his mere presence. “I really thought he wasn’t real.” said Anna Smith ’19. “No one I’ve talked to has ever seen him around campus.” “I thought his Instagram … Continue reading Student Previously Thought to be Fake Spotted Eating Bagel
