The elusive out-of-town girlfriend of that guy on your hall has magically appeared for Fancy Dress. After nearly a year of existing only in vague mentions and the occasional tag in a Facebook meme, the out-of-town girlfriend arrived late last night from a school you can't quite remember. "I kind of thought she … Continue reading Out-of-town Girlfriend Materializes for Fancy Dress Weekend
The Registrar's Office has announced that after years of terrible parking jobs throughout campus, an FDR focusing on proper vehicle parking technique will be introduced in the Fall Term 2018 course offerings. "You kids are meant to be smart, but these are the worst parking jobs we've ever seen," a Registrar representative said. "This FDR … Continue reading Parking FDR to be Introduced Next Fall
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): The Sun is in Pisces until March 20, which will light up your passions and energy until they come grinding to a halt in the confusion and stress of the housing lottery. Happy birth month! Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): There are a rare two, beautiful full moons … Continue reading Your March Horoscope
Alleged sophomore Jack Goodacre was spotted in Hillel early Monday morning eating a cereal bagel. Onlookers were alarmed not by the poor choice in bagels, but by his mere presence. “I really thought he wasn’t real.” said Anna Smith ’19. “No one I’ve talked to has ever seen him around campus.” “I thought his Instagram … Continue reading Student Previously Thought to be Fake Spotted Eating Bagel
As students poured back into Lexington after Washington Break, many noticed a change in the usual scenery. Instead of the Cadaver Society's signature scribbled tag, large and complex murals of skulls, thirteens, and other symbols of the society can be seen on buildings across campus. The Cadavers have declined to comment on the recent shift … Continue reading Cadavers Advance From Tagging to Murals
With midterms on the horizon, students are settling into Leyburn to study. However, the rise in library traffic means an increase in stolen carrels. Some students have begun usurping carrels across all four floors. Public Safety warns that marking your carrel territory will not actually deter these drifters. Personal effects like books and water bottles … Continue reading Midterm Season Brings Rise in Stolen Carrels
Identify ice (ice is usually shiny, slick, and cold) Take a step Take another step Take another step See person approaching, look busy on phone Take another step Slip a little, but laugh it off and smile at the passerby that almost just saw you eat shit Take another step Slip, eat shit Try not to … Continue reading How to Walk on Ice
