Imagine you’re walking across campus from the parking deck (that never actually has parking) to get to your first class of the day. As you pass the beloved Elrod Commons, you begin to lose your ability to see. You now realize that a ray of sunshine hits you in the eyes, as a result of … Continue reading Bald Headed Roulette: Swimmer, VMEE, or Skinhead?
Month: February 2023
Hand Foot and Mouth Disease Back Again You Dirty Little Freaks
Far be it for us here at The Radish to kink shame, but public hygiene has once again taken a grievous hit. For the twenty-sixth time in the past four years, Hand Foot and Mouth (HFM) Disease has re-emerged. In fact, in a recent press release from the CDC, the W&L campus was cited as … Continue reading Hand Foot and Mouth Disease Back Again You Dirty Little Freaks
[EXCLUSIVE] Mock Con Predicts!
As the 2024 election gets closer, more candidates are beginning to announce their candidacy for President of the United States. Since 1908, Mock Convention has attempted to predict which of those candidates will win the nomination for the party out of power, with an impressive 74% accuracy. However, they may be facing an unprecedented challenge … Continue reading [EXCLUSIVE] Mock Con Predicts!
Students react to the Spectator’s article on [Controversy]
[Issue], which has been the subject of [National/State/Campus]-wide controversy, has been covered by The Spectator, the campus conservative newspaper. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the student body nearly unanimously condemned the article. “I understand that [controversy] has complexities, but the article in The Spectator is completely out there. I can’t believe anyone would subscribe to [reactionary talking points] … Continue reading Students react to the Spectator’s article on [Controversy]
C-School set to run out of coloring sheets
Panic has stricken Huntley Hall as Business Administration professors report they have run out of the coloring sheets, Play-Doh and Crayola crayons crucial for day-to-day operations in the C-School. “Our students are so bright, and they deserve these supplies so they can make their imaginary business plans and learn basic addition,” said Molly Driver, professor … Continue reading C-School set to run out of coloring sheets
Eulogy to Pizza at Coop
In this season of love letters and joyous celebrations of our dining services, I seek to offer a eulogy to one of the fine dining options served here on campus in better times - Pizza at Coop. Served exclusively in 2020-2021, Coop pizza (hereafter referred to by its affectionate nickname Coozza) was the best cooked … Continue reading Eulogy to Pizza at Coop
Worst Things to Write in a Love Letter
"From the day we met …" That was two days ago at 1:00am, and they were too drunk to remember it well.
Local Boy Scout shoots down Chinese spy balloons
LEXINGTON, Va. -- This week, President Biden awarded Jake Hamlon, a Rockbridge County High School student and member of Boy Scout Troop 521, with the Medal of Honor for shooting down three Chinese spy balloons over Goshen Pass. Hamlon, 15, spotted the first balloon at around 10:45 Sunday morning while hiking the Goshen Pass Trailhead … Continue reading Local Boy Scout shoots down Chinese spy balloons
Chat GPT Learns to throw epic rager, makes frats obsolete
Chat GPT: a marvel of computer science, capable of in-depth conversation, knowledgeable research, and efficient writing. Its latest update, however, taught it perhaps its most valuable skill yet: how to throw a sick-ass Frat party. Some were skeptical at first. “I saw that damn robot make a beer run this morning,” says sophomore Delta Zeta … Continue reading Chat GPT Learns to throw epic rager, makes frats obsolete