With a spring in her step and a contrived smile on her face, First Year student Sage Jennings made a beeline to the Colonnade to study in the wildly impractical 3 p.m. glare.  Sporting “Feel the Burn,” “Love Your Mother,” and “Outing Club” stickers on her Macbook Air Pro, Jennings “looked like she was enjoying the shit out of her Intro to Philosophy readings,” according to one passing student.

Others, however, were less convinced.  “Like, I’m not even sure how she could read anything on-screen,” chimed in one student on his way to Robinson.  “Her glasses were giving off more lens-flare than a fucking JJ Abrams movie.”

Another added: “You want to know why she’s out here?” before pointing over to a crouching, 511-sporting, Redwings-wearing campus photographer.

 

At press, The Radish had reached out to both Ms. Jennings and her Philosophy professor to comment on this story.  Both declined.  But, Ms. Jennings does appear on some pretty dope, brochure-worthy photos on the University’s website.

-Anonymous