The town was shocked when they heard the news of freshman Kyle Troup’s brutal dismembering. It all began on the quiet night of October 15th, when Troup was walking home from the library. As soon as he tried to cross the quad, a pickup truck with farm plates filled with five young, strong, handsome townies … Continue reading Trav Dispatch Extends Hours 15 Minutes After Small Freshman Boy Drawn and Quartered by Townies

Friday Underground was placed on social probation last week when university officials discovered that many members had violated several major recruitment policies. “We were shocked to find that Friday Underground had, among other violations, given coffee to First Year students” said the concerned Director of Residence and Greek Life. “They were also found to have been hosting … Continue reading Friday Underground on probation after serving coffee to first years

Franklin Petraefus, 19, returned to his home in Richmond, VA, to find an unexpected amount of maturity and experience awaiting him from his former high school acquaintances. Frankin, a formerly mild-mannered young man, was excited to tell his “old best friends” how “cool" he had become, only to discover that each of them had stories … Continue reading Freshman returns home, surprised to find high school friends have changed, too

While O-Week served as a promising start to the year, Graham-Lees residents continue to cook after a steamy mid-September heat wave — following two weeks of introductory classes, too, the heat has been really getting to students' heads. "You feel like you're ascending into hell, not descending" a fourth-floor resident said, drenched in sweat, while … Continue reading Elevator, common rooms not masking Graham-Lees’ shit AC, though productivity on the rise