Bald Headed Roulette: Swimmer, VMEE, or Skinhead?

Imagine you’re walking across campus from the parking deck (that never actually has parking) to get to your first class of the day. As you pass the beloved Elrod Commons, you begin to lose your ability to see. You now realize that a ray of sunshine hits you in the eyes, as a result of … Continue reading Bald Headed Roulette: Swimmer, VMEE, or Skinhead?

First year students “basically experts at the whole college thing.”

A representative for the class of 2026 gave a statement to The Radish this afternoon noting that all of the students in the freshman class are now complete experts at handling every aspect of college life.  “From avoiding the center columns to navigating this confusing campus, after 1.2 semesters, our class knows pretty much everything … Continue reading First year students “basically experts at the whole college thing.”

Trav Dispatch Extends Hours 15 Minutes After Small Freshman Boy Drawn and Quartered by Townies

The town was shocked when they heard the news of freshman Kyle Troup’s brutal dismembering. It all began on the quiet night of October 15th, when Troup was walking home from the library. As soon as he tried to cross the quad, a pickup truck with farm plates filled with five young, strong, handsome townies … Continue reading Trav Dispatch Extends Hours 15 Minutes After Small Freshman Boy Drawn and Quartered by Townies

Addition of Greek letters to freshman girl’s Instagram bio signals end of formal recruitment

Instagram servers experienced an annual surge of activity as enthusiastic new sorority members plastered their Greek letters all over social media last Monday evening. “My social media presence finally feels complete,” said Marie Smith, a new member of Alpha Phi Beta Gamma Delta Psi. Smith wanted all her friends and family to see that she was … Continue reading Addition of Greek letters to freshman girl’s Instagram bio signals end of formal recruitment