Influx of high school seniors doubles fraternities’ dating pool

~ The Radish

With early decision season approaching, touring high school seniors have flocked to campus in hopes of signing half-a-million dollars away to cry daily for four years.  However, for our renowned campus fraternities, this annual minor inconvenience represents a great triumph for brothers who are down bad. The influx of minors and barely adults has, according … Continue reading Influx of high school seniors doubles fraternities’ dating pool

Elon Musk Purchases the Ring Tum Phi

~ The Radish

After his successful acquisition of Twitter, the world’s richest man has set his sights on Lexington’s beloved Ring Tum Phi. This most recent update leaves only The Radish as a trustworthy source of news, and The Spectator as the school’s sole satire publication.  “He just walked onto campus and gave me a truck with a … Continue reading Elon Musk Purchases the Ring Tum Phi

Revised FDR requirements to reflect dystopian hellscape students expected to inherit

~ The Radish

After withering criticism from the campus’ right wing, including a brilliantly drawn cartoon, the University has retracted their proposed updates to the required curriculum of all students. In the place of those plans, the university has proposed a new, practical education to prepare students “for the dystopian hellscape your generation will inherit.” “With issues like … Continue reading Revised FDR requirements to reflect dystopian hellscape students expected to inherit

W&L Marriage Pact Matches Hopeful Single with the Ghost of Robert E. Lee  

~ The Radish

Like many other students suffering through the loneliness and isolation that follow Hot Girl Summer™, freshman Anna Wagner was understandably excited when she heard of the return of everyone’s favorite activity: the Marriage Pact.    “I had never heard of it until the wlumarriagepact account followed me on Instagram, but soon it was the only thing … Continue reading W&L Marriage Pact Matches Hopeful Single with the Ghost of Robert E. Lee  

Board of Trustees votes to remove students, faculty, and staff from W&L

~ The Radish

In a 22-6 vote, the Washington and Lee Board of Trustees voted to oust all students, faculty, and non-administrative staff from W&L. The move was revealed Friday morning during the Board’s regular meeting. “As part of our continual streamlining and listening ‘Master Plan 2030’ process, we determined that the impacted communities consumed almost 100% of … Continue reading Board of Trustees votes to remove students, faculty, and staff from W&L

Exposé: International student revealed to have “unpaid laborers” in home country

~ The Radish

Over the summer, the women of Omicron Omicron Rho were more than a little surprised to find that their beloved sister, international student Cora Njoroge, owned more than just sorority pride shirts and the newest model of the Vitamix machine. Njoroge invited her favorited sisters to an all-expenses-paid-for vacation in her home country of Kenya … Continue reading Exposé: International student revealed to have “unpaid laborers” in home country

Keggers 4 Kevin 

~ The Radish

What’s popping frosh,  First, I just wanna thank y’all for coming out to our totally bangin’ rager on the cliffs of the Maury last night. It seemed like a lot of you chicks out there so taken with the brothers that you forgot to give them your numbers. Don’t worry, I’ve already made a google form and you can send … Continue reading Keggers 4 Kevin 

Yearly Prank: Students rearrange “ASS” blocks to spell “SSA”

~ The Radish

On the morning of Saturday, September 24th, Washington and Lee University students woke up to a shocking incident. The annual fall tradition—big ASS blocks in front of Elrod Commons—was desecrated once again as students rearranged the letters to spell something far more lewd: SSA. Kelsey Goodwin, former Director of Student Activities at Washington and Lee … Continue reading Yearly Prank: Students rearrange “ASS” blocks to spell “SSA”