Chat GPT Learns to throw epic rager, makes frats obsolete

Chat GPT: a marvel of computer science, capable of in-depth conversation, knowledgeable research, and efficient writing. Its latest update, however, taught it perhaps its most valuable skill yet: how to throw a sick-ass Frat party. Some were skeptical at first. “I saw that damn robot make a beer run this morning,” says sophomore Delta Zeta … Continue reading Chat GPT Learns to throw epic rager, makes frats obsolete

First year students “basically experts at the whole college thing.”

A representative for the class of 2026 gave a statement to The Radish this afternoon noting that all of the students in the freshman class are now complete experts at handling every aspect of college life.  “From avoiding the center columns to navigating this confusing campus, after 1.2 semesters, our class knows pretty much everything … Continue reading First year students “basically experts at the whole college thing.”

Omega Kappa completely revamped after brother takes WGSS course

Omega Kappa brother Johnathan Greenbrook, class of 2024, has been at the spearhead of a campaign to completely overhaul the historic fraternity after he accidentally signed up for a Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies (WGSS) course this past Fall Term.  “I took it initially because I saw the word sex, and I thought to myself … Continue reading Omega Kappa completely revamped after brother takes WGSS course

Testosterone from Abroad: Greek Org Fosters Inclusivity and Multi-level Marketing

As the administration moves forward with their goal to “stop talking about goddamn Robert E. Lee,” the Admissions Office has made a concerted effort to attract additional international students to the university. As President Dudley put it in his latest address to the student body, “international students’ unique perspectives, work ethic, and limited knowledge of … Continue reading Testosterone from Abroad: Greek Org Fosters Inclusivity and Multi-level Marketing

Influx of high school seniors doubles fraternities’ dating pool

With early decision season approaching, touring high school seniors have flocked to campus in hopes of signing half-a-million dollars away to cry daily for four years.  However, for our renowned campus fraternities, this annual minor inconvenience represents a great triumph for brothers who are down bad. The influx of minors and barely adults has, according … Continue reading Influx of high school seniors doubles fraternities’ dating pool

Revised FDR requirements to reflect dystopian hellscape students expected to inherit

After withering criticism from the campus’ right wing, including a brilliantly drawn cartoon, the University has retracted their proposed updates to the required curriculum of all students. In the place of those plans, the university has proposed a new, practical education to prepare students “for the dystopian hellscape your generation will inherit.” “With issues like … Continue reading Revised FDR requirements to reflect dystopian hellscape students expected to inherit