After spending some time retracing his steps in a national tour of Civil War battlefields and following Kanye’s (recently cancelled) St. Pablo Tour, the ghost of Robert E. Lee’s horse Traveller came home to his final resting place at Washington and Lee University. However, upon ascending the Washington Street hill, the ghost neighed in sadness … Continue reading Traveller’s ghost comes home to stables, disappointed to find two Mercedes still there

Following a string of student complaints about not having time to consume pre-paid, pre-cooked meals in the dining hall, the Clif® corporation designed the new bar with the intention to substitute a week’s worth of food with a “single serving of awesome.” Judging by the unanimously positive student reviews, it may have hit the jackpot. “Yeah,” … Continue reading Clif® food scientists unveil “not enough time for any meal” 2500g protein bar

In a surprise statement on Monday, God announced He will defer all plans to inflict snow, sleet, and ice on Lexington until L.L. Bean can meet demand for its signature Bean Boots. The Almighty Being released a brief edict to creation stating it would be cruel to subject college students to flurries and ‘really cold … Continue reading God to postpone all winter weather ahead of anticipated Bean Boot shortage

Sources indicate that as a whole, the Health Center staff just really isn’t feeling like itself today. “I still came in today because I didn’t want to fall behind in my work,” said Nurse Smith, “but all I can think about is napping during my lunch break.” She added, “I barely have the energy to … Continue reading Health center not really feeling 100% today

While several of his peers supposedly left Friday’s Christmas Weekend basement party dateless and disappointed, first-year student Trent Kallen had “the best night of his college career” with his date, hall mate Kaylee Marshall, who he had asked just hours before Friday night’s events. When asked about his success relative to his friends, he answered, “Anyone … Continue reading Christmas Weekend dates don’t ditch each other at basement party; Lee Chapel wedding to come

“I don’t know why this school even bothers with Organic Chem,” said Kathy Fisher ’17, who recently found out about her elite performance on the medical school entrance exam. “I just take lengthy, frequent trips to the bathroom during some of my more useless lectures in the science center and that's when I learn the most.” Claiming the Stall … Continue reading Pre-med student attributes perfect MCAT score to Stall Street Journal

More than half way through Fall term, friends of Strategic Communications Major Lisa Lawson are pretty much done with hearing about her internship this summer. Despite having spent three months pushing pencils and making copies for a media company with a unrecognizable name, Lawson continues to reference her time in the city - oh no, … Continue reading Classmates pretty much done hearing about your internship last summer

Ingredients Two handfuls of research papers that should have been done before break but will be neglected until after A pinch of regretful hooking up with your ex One fluid ounce of tears from a missed connecting flight Half a cup of cranberry sauce that no one eats but would feel cheated without A pound … Continue reading Recipe for a very Radishing Thanksgiving Break

“I couldn’t think of anything else we would need,” said Junior Village resident Cassidy Smith about the changes to parking at upper division housing. “This really is the cherry on top.” As an increasing number of conveniently proximate (though already seldom) parking spaces are being given parking time restrictions, student satisfaction rates are reportedly soaring. … Continue reading 15-minute parking spots solve all problems in Junior Village