God to postpone all winter weather ahead of anticipated Bean Boot shortage

In a surprise statement on Monday, God announced He will defer all plans to inflict snow, sleet, and ice on Lexington until L.L. Bean can meet demand for its signature Bean Boots. The Almighty Being released a brief edict to creation stating it would be cruel to subject college students to flurries and ‘really cold drizzle’ without first ensuring their feet were properly protected from the elements. L.L. Bean, a Maine based company, fell behind schedule in the production of its classic winter boots when freshmen began calling their parents explaining just how necessary the footwear was to survive the harsh Virginia weather. –Caroline Bones ‘18