After spending some time retracing his steps in a national tour of Civil War battlefields and following Kanye’s (recently cancelled) St. Pablo Tour, the ghost of Robert E. Lee’s horse Traveller came home to his final resting place at Washington and Lee University.

However, upon ascending the Washington Street hill, the ghost neighed in sadness to find that two Mercedes S-Classes were parked where he had wanted to lie down for eternal rest.

“Neigh, neigh, pout,” the ghost stated to a passing Radish reporter, which roughly translated means “I am saddened and, frankly, a little disgruntled that I will have to walk the Earth for the next 10 years because I can’t sleep in my goddamn stable. Like, come on people, I’m a Civil War hero.”

In other news, the President’s House has been beset by mysterious paranormal activities, including sounds of angry trotting and punctured holes in the outer walls.

-Chris Baumgarten ’19