Sources indicate that as a whole, the Health Center staff just really isn’t feeling like itself today. “I still came in today because I didn’t want to fall behind in my work,” said Nurse Smith, “but all I can think about is napping during my lunch break.” She added, “I barely have the energy to administer all these flu shots and give little salt baggies to everyone that walks in.”

The Health Center staff doesn’t think it’s anything serious, but figures they should just take it easy over the next couple days. “I bet if I can just get to bed early tonight, I’ll feel totally back to normal,” said Dr. Murphy, halfheartedly handing out knock-off Advil samples to emaciated students. The staff remains positive that a little Dayquil will have them back asking when students’ symptoms started in no time.

-Anna Kate Benedict ‘20