Ingredients

  • Two handfuls of research papers that should have been done before break but will be neglected until after
  • A pinch of regretful hooking up with your ex
  • One fluid ounce of tears from a missed connecting flight
  • Half a cup of cranberry sauce that no one eats but would feel cheated without
  • A pound (or five) around the waist
  • 18 Snapchats of your pet because you’re too lazy to connect with high school friends
  • Three dashes of screaming into your deaf grandpa’s ear to unsuccessfully carry on basic conversation
  • A hint of laundry that you saved for you mom to do

Add recklessly irresponsible amount of wine to taste

Directions

  1. Pour mixture into bowl of pure disgust at still being trapped with nine-year-olds at the kids’ table
  2. Blend slowly with family discussion of “you should be pursuing a better major”
  3. Bake at 350°F (or in the garage with your cousins) for the duration of the terrible, drunk game of touch/tackle/”yeah that’s a break, not a sprain” football
  4. Let cool for the amount of time it takes to stage a “love my family” Instagram photo

 

–Ford Carson ‘18