Ingredients
- Two handfuls of research papers that should have been done before break but will be neglected until after
- A pinch of regretful hooking up with your ex
- One fluid ounce of tears from a missed connecting flight
- Half a cup of cranberry sauce that no one eats but would feel cheated without
- A pound (or five) around the waist
- 18 Snapchats of your pet because you’re too lazy to connect with high school friends
- Three dashes of screaming into your deaf grandpa’s ear to unsuccessfully carry on basic conversation
- A hint of laundry that you saved for you mom to do
Add recklessly irresponsible amount of wine to taste
Directions
- Pour mixture into bowl of pure disgust at still being trapped with nine-year-olds at the kids’ table
- Blend slowly with family discussion of “you should be pursuing a better major”
- Bake at 350°F (or in the garage with your cousins) for the duration of the terrible, drunk game of touch/tackle/”yeah that’s a break, not a sprain” football
- Let cool for the amount of time it takes to stage a “love my family” Instagram photo
–Ford Carson ‘18
The Radish 