A W&L spokesman expressed the university’s excitement with the new policy, which will allow the University Store to cycle through its old inventory while doing away with paychecks altogether. “I mean, I’d have rather bought food or clothes, but I can deal,” said Milly Barnes, who received two pairs of W&L-engraved wooden salad tossers for … Continue reading Work Study students to begin being paid with unsellable University Store merchandise

Lauren Masters found herself taking out her headphones for the third time when an acquaintance in her REL 130 class took it upon herself to maintain a completely banal conversation. Masters entered the conversation as an attempt to uphold the speaking tradition, exchanged the necessary platitudes, and, when noticing the conversation dying, eagerly went back … Continue reading Conversation apparently still not over even though you put headphones back in

According to student Ellie Knight, some "totally random guy" made an executive decision to change the gym TV channel from House Hunters to CNN. "The couple was just about to tour their third house," Knight reported from her elliptical machine. "Then this jerk just comes up and changes it to the news - CNN was … Continue reading Hotshot changes gym TV from House Hunters to CNN

Lexington, VA – Senior Environmental Studies major Elizabeth Quinn recently told The Radish that she has no concrete plans after graduation and is “really just winging it at this point.” “I mean, I was just winging it when I chose this major, and I’m still in the same boat two years later, so I guess … Continue reading Environmental Studies major really just winging it at this point

Professor Tom Kellogg made the thrilling announcement late last week, ushering in a new era in the field of ancestry. After analyzing the nucleotide sequences of the two cats – something Kellogg noted to be the “easiest part” of the arduous process – Kellogg and his team reported a direct lineage between the Colonnade cat … Continue reading Genetics professor confirms Colonnade Cat is great-great-great-grandcat of George Washington

Double-fisting crab cakes at yesterday’s monthly supper club meeting, area dad Larry Jennings, 52, reportedly flashed his signature “you know why I’m here” smile when he was asked about dessert (his forte). The sole member of his party to indulge, Jennings spoke for the table when he said it was “no bother” that his soufflé would … Continue reading Area dad grins dangerously when asked if he “saved room for dessert”

Faculty, parents, townspeople, and even students agree, amenities such as hardwood floors and stone countertops are highly irregular in today’s student housing.  “Irregular is right,” complains sophomore Hunter Whitworth, with his head still pounding from a long night celebrating the homecoming win in The Village. “I’m usually THE MAN on painted plywood,” he boasts, referring to … Continue reading Don’t take those countertops for granite: 3rd-year housing residents complain about bad hops in beer pong

“It was alarming, actually,” Heath Woods said upon catching a glimpse of the sprinting mystery student in action. “He didn’t even make eye contact with anyone, just turned to the basket of condoms and started shoveling a few into his pockets. I don’t know why anyone would even need that many.” The unidentifiable student reportedly … Continue reading Student Health Center: Witnesses state that guy just came in and grabbed like five condoms