Panic has stricken Huntley Hall as Business Administration professors report they have run out of the coloring sheets, Play-Doh and Crayola crayons crucial for day-to-day operations in the C-School.
“Our students are so bright, and they deserve these supplies so they can make their imaginary business plans and learn basic addition,” said Molly Driver, professor of Business 301 who doubles as a Head Start teacher at Rockbridge Elementary.
The shortage, which is a direct result of supply chain issues caused by the capitalist system the C-School is designed to support, has affected kindergarteners and business majors across the country.
“We have the funds – that huge pile of hundred dollar bills behind the ugly mural on the first floor of the building,” said President Dudley. “However, the issue is that these supplies simply aren’t available for purchase.”
When reached out to for comment, other areas of study in Huntley were distraught by the shortage as well.
“With this shortage, more Business majors are taking other classes in Huntley,” said Lisa Gomez, a representative for the Accounting, Economics and Politics Departments. “No one wants that.”
Not everyone is upset about the shortage – Jonathan Banks III, Class of ‘25, has started an artisanal paper making process on campus.
“It’s a sweatshop,” said Marvin Gates, Art major and regular employee at the coloring book making business.
Regardless of how long the shortage lasts, representatives from recruiters have assured the Office of Career and Professional Development that it would have no impact on hiring, especially since cocaine and alcohol supplies are unaffected by the shortage.