How to Walk on Ice

~ The Radish
  1. Identify ice (ice is usually shiny, slick, and cold)
  2. Take a step
  3. Take another step
  4. Take another step
  5. See person approaching, look busy on phone
  6. Take another step
  7. Slip a little, but laugh it off and smile at the passerby that almost just saw you eat shit
  8. Take another step
  9. Slip, eat shit
  10. Try not to notice that passerby are looking at you pityingly
  11. Pray that embarrassed flush and watery eyes just look like they’re from the wind
  12. Frantically collect your dropped belongings
  13. Shuffle away, avoid eye contact
  14. Retell on Snapchat: send a mass snap or post a story retelling your fall, write a caption that shows you are the perfect blend of self-deprecating and relatable