After breaking out a few brewskis and cigars, Tommy and Mike sat down on their fraternity house balcony to rehash the week’s current events last Tuesday night.

In a surprise twist that no one saw coming, however, both political insiders became defensive of their preconceived notions and frustrated at the other’s relative ignorance. Both age 20, the Tommy and Mike were entitled to have definite opinions on topics like the economy and taxes.

“We covered quite a bit of ground,” Tommy lied, knowing that he failed to utilize the topic of abortion to piss Mike off to his full potential. “I’m just glad we were both able to be respectful of the other’s political differen-….actually, no. Screw that guy.” Mike responded.

 

After the back-and-forth, both debaters secretly pledged to double their CNN time, triple the rate of sharing NYT posts on Facebook, and re-read the Skimm every morning to give themselves the topical edge.

-Chris Baumgarten ‘19