Sweaty, drunk freshman feeling “pretty good” about chances with senior at basement party

Three shotgunned beers deep at the crowded basement party, freshman Gary Scott is reportedly getting some “good vibes” from senior Laura Parks.

“Yeah, I bumped into her in line for the bathroom and she seemed pretty into me,” Scott said, with t-shirt perspiration stains quickly becoming too large to ignore.

“We talked, like, a ton.”

Scott attempted to insert himself next to Park on the dance floor, but was quickly boxed out by her friends. Interpreting the group’s laughter as “a good sign,” Scott reportedly continued shimmying alone across the room while sustaining prolonged eye contact. At press time, Park reportedly said, “Bye, Gordon!” when Scott attempted to approach her in line for Traveller.

–Anna Kate Benedict ‘20