We’ve all been there. You exit the party, thrilled you’re leaving at just the right time. Not too early, not too late, right? You strut down to the Trav stop. And then, you see the winding line of students slowly pushing towards the orange cones. But! No need to panic. We’ve compiled a step-by-step guide for dealing with those endless lines.
1) Assess the situation. Is the line as long as the queue for the printer in Commons, or is it more like the line for coffee in between classes?
2) Depending on the length, turn to your companion(s) and say something like, “damn, this line is so long.” If you are feeling more optimistic, say something like “ya know, it looks like it’s actually moving pretty quickly.”
3) Make light conversation with the person(s) in front of or behind you. Aren’t they in that class of yours? They’re from Birmingham, right?
4) When a Trav fills up with a group that does not include you, groan loudly. If you are feeling particularly irate, grumble about a Trav worker within earshot. They’re the ones keeping you from going home and getting in bed!
5) If people begin to push, push back even harder. That’ll show ’em!
6) When people begin to inevitably cut the line, say something passive aggressive to them and then turn to your companion(s) to talk shit. When the cutter tries to ease tensions, engage in lightening the mood, but begin to nurse that grudge nonetheless.
7) If a second or even third Trav fills up without you on it, yell at a Trav worker. This is bound to quickly prompt an empty Trav. And, hey, they’re probably just bluffing about citations.
8) Ask your companion(s) if they’ll text someone and see if there’s a sober driver anywhere. Remind them that it doesn’t take much to just ask in the Group Me.
9) When Trav pulls up, lead the mad charge towards the door. Other people started the pushing first!
10) When you are finally admitted onto a Trav, let out a loud sigh of relief and say, “finally!” To let everyone know about the injustices you just bravely faced.
The Radish 