News: Social Credit, Tik Tok use at WLU at all time high

In spite of Congressional hearings determined to shut it down, Tik Tok announced that usage of its app in the Lexington/Rockbridge area, specifically at our famed university, was at an all time high. 

In completely unrelated news, Social Credit scores are also at an all time high at the historic institution according to the Chinese Foreign Ministry.  

“We know that Lexington and Rockbridge love China – why else would they vote red in every election?” said Qin Gang, Foreign Minister of the People’s Republic of China. 

The Tik Tok press release noted that the top video categories on campus were makeup tutorials, cat videos, and stress reduction breathing exercises. The press release also reiterated that the Social Credit announcement, which is done regularly for all American and Chinese citizens, was completely unrelated to Tik Tok usage. 

Not everyone on campus was pleased with these two unrelated announcements. 

“I can’t believe China has a social credit system – it’s so dystopian!” said John Sylvie Jr, who plans to work for Equifax.