One of the unfortunate side effects of being a reporter is having to report on unfortunate stories – blatant discrimination, murders, and the like. However, this Valentine’s Day story might take the tragedy cake.
That guy in your econ class, the one who attends all the office hours and makes sure to raise his hand for every question (regardless of whether he knows the answer) will sadly be forced to spend Valentine’s Day alone this year.
He carries with him a bookbag which is far too large for the number of things he actually needs to carry (just in case) and knows a lot about topics like economics and history and economics. He’s a stunning 5’10’’ and will be 21 in a few months, so if you want alcohol he can like, totally do that for you.
He’s also very nice, despite what you may have heard from rumors and gathered from your own experience of him asshole-y answering all the questions in class to the point where the professor looks at him, sighs, then asks if anyone else would like to answer. But he doesn’t do that because he’s a smart ass he does it because he feels awkward in the quiet and he doesn’t know what to do, so he just raises his hand?
But like I said, he’s really nice and so kind to people, like he’ll do whatever you want for Valentine’s Day – whether it’s DHall or Coop he is happy to spend an extra swipe (or even a little flex) on you. He’s also really complex and frankly needs someone to talk to because his aunt is getting divorced and it’s really stressful because prior to this point his family has been somewhat sacred but now it’s like, falling apart and he lacks the ability to put it into clear words and he’s worried about his ability to find someone because for fucking valentine’s day I’m so alone please please call me.
555-867-5309
The Radish 