Girl who Thinks World Literally Revolves Around her Writes Global Politics Op-Ed on Breakup

  The Radish has never before included such a unique opinion piece as Mary Brooke Washington’s article on how the state of global politics uncannily mirrors her recent break up, which came unexpectedly after two months of dating and eight months of “just hooking up.” This student gladly shared the piece, copied below, with us, believing we may be using it to study “or something.”
“Division of Powers after a Breakup”
    So, like, the whole Brexit thing that’s happening right now is, like, weirdly similar to the position that William put me in just a week ago! He told me that he “wasn’t really feeling the relationship right now—like between the new pledge class that will be joining in two months and finals and all he’s just gonna be way too stressed.” That’s all total bullshit by the way! He doesn’t care about rush at ALL. Anyway, I was like, “Well, um, that’s going to be kind of awkward considering that we live right next to each other and our lives are basically like braided together!” I mean we have joint ownership of a Juul!
    God, he’s so inconsiderate. Like there’s no way to just have a clean break, you know? Even when we go home for break it’s gonna be so hard because, like, our parents are really good friends—like doubles-partners-level really good friends. And like how are we supposed to divide up eating times and places to hang out? If I’m going to Taps with the half of my pledge class that I like, I DON’T want to see him there with Chris! Like ever since they started serving chicken and waffles, it’s been our go-to for after-darty meals, and like what am I supposed to do now? Do you want me eating Thai food after drinking all day? But you had better believe he is never coming to another one of our formals, I can tell you that much.
    Honestly, he’s just being so selfish. Ugh. Anyway, this is super similar to Brexit it’s almost scary, because he wants to leave or whatever, and it would just be so much easier for him to stay. Like we have all these agreements and understandings and life is just going to be so much harder. In conclusion, he totally is ruining his chances at having a good life. I’ve already called my father, and this man’s career is ruined.
— Camille Sears ’22