Spotted: Upperclassmen boys trying to normalize girl’s rush date style as their own

PRONTO GELATORIO- The boys are finally catching on. Forced, uncomfortable small talk, in other words, has begun to replace informal, relaxed socialization that had been the norm for decades prior. Why have a chill gathering upstairs in a fraternity house when you could, instead, ask every possible question of a freshman’s mundane summer as a camp counselor?

“Dude…what flavor gelato should I spend an absurd amount of money on?”, ponders junior George Bob, all while rattling off eight iterations of “so where you from?”

“If I get the stracciatella will this kid think I’m overly boujee or chill and worldly?” another man whispers to his friend, both making their Juuls as visible as possible. They decide to go with the mango. Friendly hugs and handshakes conclude the outing, and both upperclassman leave, knowing that, in any freshman’s eyes, their manly conversation eclipsed their feminine choice and will definitely get coffee with them next week at LexCo.

-Julia Jane Duggan ‘20