Brothers of one of W&L’s top fraternities are in a panic upon finding out that six weeks of recruitments efforts have, unfortunately, been poured into rushing a box of Saltine Crackers. The shocking revelation occurred Wednesday night when soup was served for dinner.

“I can’t believe it,” said one stunned brother. “I mean, yeah, they were a little bland, a little pale, and a little tough to tell apart – but all in all they seemed like a great fit (for our fraternity).”

The source of confusion appears to have been the Saltines’ constant presence at the fraternity house as well as their close resemblance to the fraternity’s previous pledge classes. “We should have caught it earlier,” said another brother, noting the box’s deceiving name.

An estimated $800 was lost on dinners and kegs purchased on behalf of the Saltines, while countless hours were wasted repeatedly asking them about their home state and intended major. Mistakes happen,” noted the fraternity’s president, “but we’re working hard on devising a new strategy for distinguishing between potential new members and inanimate objects. Hopefully we can make sure this never happens again.

As of this writing, a brother of the fraternity was spotted offering a Solo cup to an overflowing white garbage bag, soon asking for its phone number and inviting it to an upcoming cocktail party.

-Allie Rutledge ‘19