Grilled cheese car wash decathlon dance for the cure of illiterate cancer patients marks a critical low in sorority’s philanthropy effort

Eschewing past partnerships with renowned non-profits like The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good™ and the Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for The Cure™, Washington and Lee’s very own chapter of Alpha Beta Gamma Alpha Alpha (ABGAA) has decided to start their own non-profit.

According to ABGAA senior Wendy Robertson, whose burgeoning schedule includes things like FeelGood and, well, yeah, FeelGood, filing for a 501 (c)(3) has been a “process.”

“The IRS still won’t recognize #GCCWDDFTCOICP because our vision is too ‘convoluted.’ Well I think that’s our greatest strength, because it means we can help all types of poor people, instead of just one,” Robertson said, energized by both the difference she’s making on campus and the $37 raised by the $200 event. “I’m glad that SOMEONE around here has

finally started trying to do something about poverty, which is actually a really big problem.”

Despite a new philanthropic vision, t-shirt design, and round of hashtags, ABGAA has kept one thing the same: griddle.

“When it comes to raising money, nothing does it better than a griddle,” said Spirit Chair [yes, that position actually exists] Clarissa Macafee. “I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t love $10 grilled cheeses, quesadillas, or pancakes, especially since you likely don’t have access to such kitchen technology.”

Looking forward, ABGAA plans to advertise this event wherever you go and appreciates whatever likes you’ll throw at its continued pledge class GroupMe announcements.

Shirts are on sale in commons for $17, 12% of which goes directly to the cause.

—John Patterson ’19