I have it on very good authority that the Canadian geese are both frenzied and frantic, and have begun building apocalypse shelters underneath their local ponds. An order for 67 Canada Goose parkas, usually ranging around $895 each, has been placed by one of W&L’s finest in order to ensure that one is always looking her most fashionable even while the frost turns tears into icicles.

The sought-after fashion statement proves an interesting buy for many, having been shown to be just as shitty at protecting oneself from sub-zero temperatures as a Marmot coat, a Gap sweatshirt, or the decision to not walk across Cadaver bridge, retailing for $141, $25, and $0, respectively.

I highly suggest to the brand that they donate to www.savethegeeseofcanadabeforeitstoolate.com before word of how they treat the animals gets back to the actual customer. Because even though they’d pay a month’s worth of rent for a fucking jacket, they are so not cool with animal cruelty.

-Julia Jane Duggan ‘20