Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Be prepared to accidentally take regular Benadryl before an afternoon class; your professor will be forgiving.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 1): Enigmatic Jupiter and grating Uranus will bring the overwhelming urge to recount and analyze all your dreams with your friends this week.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec 1): Mercury will place you in a potentially awkward situation this week, but you’re used to that.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Laughing at that person who fell off the elliptical will come back to you on Thursday.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Jupiter will dampen your eavesdropping skills, so snoop with caution.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20): When you take over the aux cord this weekend it is in your best interest to not play your own remixes.
Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19): Tricky Neptune moves into your house this week, bringing plenty of opportunities to send texts in the incorrect group messages.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20): This week, that sensation that you’re forgetting something will constantly lurk in your mind.
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 20): Whether you meant to do that thing or not, you will be the subject of an unusual Public Safety mass text.
Cancer (Jun. 21 – Jul. 22): You’ll get a rare second chance to get to bed on time Wednesday when the pregame goes awry.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22): Pluto ends a five-month retrograde in your house of organization, which means you’re losing the perfect excuse for shirking your responsibilities.
Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22): You may think romance will be a big part of this week, but that’s just over-confidant Venus moving in to your house of disillusionment.
—Anna Kate Benedict ’20
The Radish 