On the morning of Saturday, September 24th, Washington and Lee University students woke up to a shocking incident. The annual fall tradition—big ASS blocks in front of Elrod Commons—was desecrated once again as students rearranged the letters to spell something far more lewd: SSA.
Kelsey Goodwin, former Director of Student Activities at Washington and Lee University said of the incident, “This is not the first time displays have been tampered with. Whether vandalizing portraits or stealing excessive amounts of Dhall cutlery, students always find ways to harass others.”
President Dudley also expressed his disapproval. “This asinine assault violates the standards of W&L’s mission statement for students ‘to conduct themselves with honor, integrity, and civility.’ We demand more class from this institution.”
“Our biggest concern is that we don’t even know what SSA means,” a public safety officer told The Radish. “We cannot assume that this is a light-hearted prank. SSA appears nowhere in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, which means it must be an acronym, likely one conveying malicious intent.”
He and his associates in campus security assessed the possibilities: Social Security Act? Sub-Saharan Africa? Same-Sex Attraction? Or perhaps something as crass as Science, Society, and the Arts.
Rather than punishing the individuals responsible, some have brainstormed new ways to protect W&L’s most beloved asset. “Perhaps if the ASS blocks were bigger, they couldn’t be moved,” asserted an individual who wished to remain anonymous.
Rest assured, the Radish will assist in apprehending the assailants, even if it means waiting out late under the full moon.