W&L’s student organization opposed to abortion rights announced a new “Chastity Week” to oppose SHAG’s yearly Sex Week extravaganza.
“Remember the kid that hung up posters of a crusader knight in the library? That was actually our theme drop,” said Sam Austin, class of ‘23 and president of the club.
The new event will be sponsored by Students for Life’s new subcommittee, SHAG2 (Student Haters Against Gross Genitals), their sole jurisdiction carrying out the prayerful and platonic week.
SHAG2 announced some of their promotional techniques for the week, which include yelling at people, self-righteousness toward anyone who isn’t a generic White protestant (“of course you capitalize the “W” in white,” said Austin), and the distribution of absolutely not kinky free chastity belts.
Some students on campus are excited, but not that kind of excited, about the new way to show superiority over other students.
“Frankly, I’m thrilled that someone is representing my medieval beliefs about sex. People act like it’s 1924 or something around here – slow down! What happened to tradition? Fucking sluts.” said Jeramiah Thompson, class of ‘26.
Those who want to help support the organization can purchase new “God does NOT ♥️ the female orgasm” tee shirts (men’s sizes only).