CIA Visit Ends in EC Coup

The Office of Career and Professional Development’s job presentation invitation to the CIA ended in disaster this afternoon when news broke that the Executive Committee had been overthrown and replaced with a far right American puppet regime.

While the CIA denied involvement, the new Executive Committee, which announced in Yik Yak that it will be referred to as the Decommunization Internal Committee (DIC) followed a similar playbook to many other CIA backed regimes.

“For too long, far left organizations like Habitat for Humanity have sheltered as many as four to five left of center individuals. W&L is crawling with neo-liberals and moderate Democrats. There are even reports of a Democratic socialist and an edgy first year communist in some Politics 100 Courses. No longer!”

In addition to nationalizing all campus media outlets (excluding yours truly) the DIC closed the border with Lexington and invited VMI to patrol campus for suspicious individuals. 

President Dudley was nowhere to be seen, and the Virginia Flaggers and General’s Redoubt were found to be moving furniture into the Lee House, indicating a broader takeover on campus as well. 

In unrelated news, Campus Garden spontaneously announced it would only grow bananas in a new mandatory work study program.