“It’s just like, what happened to sitting around?” Junior Mike Nelson asked.
Hike supremacy– thinking that being outside makes you superior to people that are inside– has been spreading in recent years as more and more students have ventured outdoors and started evangelizing about the fresh air.
Many hike supremacists unwittingly reveal themselves, often shocking even their closest friends. “This is tough, but I found out (redacted) was a hike supremacist a couple weekends ago. It was like 1 and I said, ‘oh let’s turn a movie on’ and he said, ‘oh uh I have to go to bed because I’m going climbing tomorrow.’ Going climbing, for what, the fresh morning air?” Nelson shakes his head, “I thought we were boys. Not anymore.”
Many students feel alienated by the movement and wish that even if someone is a hike supremacist, they keep it to themselves. The emotional strain adds up from seeing too many 5 am posts about the camaraderie, clarity, or beauty of a group hike up House Mountain on a clear morning.
“Oh, you went on a sunrise hike again? Well I’m a two-time Finals MVP in 2k,” Senior Cory Jameson said. “We both have our thing. Difference is I’m not going to post about it on my story. I keep it private.
“There is a sunrise in town too, you know.”
If you have any tips on possible hike supremacist activities on campus, please use our secure tip line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
— Cole Heisner ’21