In an attempt to impress his new-found friends, George Foreman, ‘21, stands in the thirty-minute poster fair line, prepared to invest his summer savings on overlarge posters of bikini-clad women. Clinging onto his Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner posters showcasing sparkly string bikinis, George envisions his suave dorm room to attract girls of the same stature.

“Man, this guy fucks,” Foreman envisions hearing from his friends while explaining his new dorm décor choices to a fellow classmate. “I just feel like it gives off a great vibe. Very welcoming, ya know? I guess I’m just a guy’s guy.”

Oblivious to emphasized eye rolls from the upperclassman girls standing right behind him in line, Foreman reportedly continued to boast about his unique finds until he reached the clearly underpaid cashier. Smith told this reporter that he plans to plaster his walls with “as many of these babies as he can find,” making sure to throw in a vintage Bob Marley to show that he’s got a pretty chill side, too. All the while, the line’s girls were said to be making mental notes to pass onto their guy friends; make a note on the rush slides at best, steer clear at worst, and cut him off during a drunken tirade most likely.

The future looks bare for optimistic young George.

–Julia Jane Duggan ’20