Chubby kid at the beach a damn impressive body-surfer, if we’re being honest

Zipping across the day’s biggest wave with an unmatched velocity, confidence, and poise, area dough boy Freddie Muhler, 14, showed the rest of Myrtle Beach how much fun there was to be had without a boogie board. That is, of course, only if you’ve got an appropriately buoyant body type.

“I’ll admit, it’s pretty amazing to see a human ride a wave 50 or more yards using only his stomach,” said an unnamed beachgoer, whose best body-surfing attempt thus far had yielded a paltry 15 yards. “I’d love to know his secret.”

Muhler, however, did not have much advice for the general public by way of technical body-surfing execution, instead opting to simply give a review of the snacks his mom had packed away in the family cooler for lunch.

“I’m really looking forward to the Reese’s Cups,” he said, adding that he preferred them “a little melty,” so they’d be in perfect eating condition pretty soon. Sunkist gummies, Ritz crackers, and “those little Bugle chips that you can put on all your fingers to make it look like you’ve got witch hands” also made the list.

As for now, Muhler said he’s going to just going to focus on life’s simple joys, like Crocs, cargo shorts, and making big cannonball splashes off the diving board. While a regular kid on the outside to most, only a few will understand the true superstar that comfortably resides within.

-Ford Carson ’18