Peer counselor not even trying at this point with pitiful array of Kroger-brand cookies

With the knowledge that food is her only hope at talking to anyone on her hall, Peer Counselor Molli Pender’s substandard Kroger purchase has many scratching their heads. “Damn,” said resident Sarah Yvellis, who depends on Pender’s weekly offering of fats and sugar to fill in the blanks left by D-Hall’s all-you-can-eat buffet. It is rumored that Pender, still with time to redeem herself, will unveil a new fall-themed menu soon. –Ford Carson