This week, a watchdog organization has begun an investigation into an online student journalistic sensation known as the Radish, calling into question the site’s accuracy and dependence (despite our cherished tradition of excellence in news reporting).

The coalition, known as the General Repertoire Against Bogus Electronic Media (GRAB ‘EM), has taken a stand in solidarity with President Trump’s apt critiques of the “unfair” press.

Ignoring the Radish’s official position supporting Sedition Act of 1798, GRAB ‘EM has demonstrated their desire to investigate the alternative facts produced by this website.

“In particular,” GRAB ‘EM wrote in a letter sent to our editing board yesterday, “we have significant problems with several articles. Here are some of the most concerning to us as an organization:

‘Donald Trump returns to W&L, demands recount of Mock Con delegation votes’ – this is not only a jab at President Trump, it is also probably not true.

‘Traveller’s ghost comes home to stables, disappointed to find two Mercedes still there’ – Wrong! ghosts aren’t real.

‘Guy wearing Patagonia declares himself ‘Totally Outdoorsy’ – we have proof that Joshua Waters actually declared himself ‘Utterly Outdoorsy.'”

The Radish would like to issue the following statement to GRAB ‘EM and all other news organizations, whether they are real, “fake,” or fake: God bless potted plants, God bless Chester A. Arthur, and God Bless the Divided States of America.

In other news, The Spectator was found to be totally upstanding and not in need of any investigation whatsoever. Carry on.

-Chris Baumgarten ’19