Study by all-male W&L alumni cohorts finds current students cootie-ridden snowflakes

In a recent study conducted on alumni from prior W&L graduating classes, a sizable percentage of these former generals found the current campus population to be filled with cooties and liberal snowflakes who couldn’t even handle a little doxxing or assault.  

While certainly some members of these classes have become productive members of society, much of the sample reached by the study seemed to be entirely decrepit, bitter, old, boomers indicated by their obscene amounts of wealth and lack of anything to do other than complain about their glory days at a school with way lower standards half a century ago.  

The Radish was able to obtain a statement from the study’s author: “When I dodged Vietnam by paying obscene amounts of money to go here, I never imagined students who actually gave a shit about education, civil rights, or whatever would attend en masse. Back in my day I called those losers [slur], [racial slur], and [unspeakable slurs], now they run half the fuckin school!” John White XXVI said in a Facebook post which was quickly shared and liked on alumni pages. Over 50% of the 12 likes on the post were of the angry Facebook reaction, indicating the seriousness of the issue. 

The study follows up on the heels of important research by the same alumni organization. Their prior study recommended that the school return to vaguely defined “prior admissions practices” that only let in “you know, the kind of people we like.”

When reached for comment, the Alumni daycare Engagement staff sighed, and complained how they really used to let “fucking anyone with a white dick” in back then.