Sophomore Denied from Study Abroad Program Dips Toe into Nationalism

“I never wanted to go to that commie wasteland in the first place,” Joe Boucher said of Paris, France, the location of the study abroad program he was recently denied from.
Boucher explained that only total losers willfully leave the US, and he is no loser, despite coming in 10th place out of 11 candidates in the election for freshman EC representative.
Boucher claims his eyes were opened after his application was denied. “Before I was red-pilled, I thought, yeah, other countries could have cool stuff. Now, with my head cleared up? Uh, hell no. All the best stuff is American: beer, movies, music, girls… except at this school, am I right?”
Boucher plans to remain in Lexington for Spring Term, hoping to continue taking introductory business courses, drinking beers off campus, and studying American history by watching Vietnam War movies with his boys and then acting really stoic for like an hour after they end.
This, he argues, will be a far better use of his time than experiencing “a once-in-a-lifetime moment sipping some fabulous wine in front of the Eiffel Tower at dusk after an afternoon spent strolling through the Louvre, or whatever.”
— Cole Heisner ’21