Reports of Close Encounters with Professors at Gym Spark Worry

An anonymous student has come forward to share her harrowing story from the W&L fitness center. The victim was approximately ten minutes into her treadmill run when she claims that her Econ professor took the treadmill directly beside her.
“I was in the zone and suddenly my professor is right there running twice as fast. Could this hurt my participation grade?” the shaken student worries. “Until these renovations are over, no student is safe from the possibility of exercising eight inches from their professor.”
In a small town, with a small school and an even smaller gym, these encounters have become inevitable for many. “I have never seen my professor wear anything but a suit and tie and sit behind a desk in Huntley, but all of a sudden he’s in a muscle tank lifting weights,” another student remarks.
One freshman says, “When they told me on tour that students become really close with their professors, I didn’t think they meant this close.”
When asked about the current state of gym affairs, work-study students from the facility offered some advice. “Students should endeavor not to arrive right at 5 p.m. with the whole rest of the world. Your professors do not want to see your sweaty asses either.”
— Adalaide Burton ’22