LEXINGTON — W&L’s Student Government JV squad came down with perhaps its harshest ruling to date Tuesday, unanimously opting for a prolonged mean look over a random amount of community service. Following ten minutes’ deliberation in the body’s second such meeting, the SJC found John Potter, ’20, guilty of both running in the hallways and touching his lips to a water fountain faucet — representing a majority of the infractions that fall into the group’s legal purview, the charges were not taken lightly.

“Disgusting,” said one SJC justice, who later called a potential EC bid “contingent upon the field of competitors,” much like last year. “We knew we had to set a precedent. Yeah.”

[As a concession prerequisite to the above interview, The Radish is inclined to include that said justice was, in fact, the president of his high school’s senior class.]

Potter, allegedly “not thrilled, but, you know, alright” with the decision, has since bemoaned the Herculean task of balancing schoolwork with four Campus Kitchen shifts looming over him. Having missed the first few attempts at communication, Potter has vowed now to check his junk mail folder as frequently as his inbox.

Looking forward, the Council™ asks that you follow its series of K-Rem photoshoots on a variety of social media platforms in order to keep up with super important government business.

—Ford Carson ‘18