THIRD YEAR HOUSING — What started as a postponed party cleanup has since evolved into a full-fledged housing fixture, said M2 resident Amanda Guilero, citing a queso-lined pot that has since come into contact with discarded Lucky Charms, oatmeal, and guacamole. Guilero, making the case that the cheese will come right off after being exposed to water, has reportedly made no attempt to improve the situation.

“We’re starting to run low on plates and, perhaps more crucially, are completely out of forks,” she said, having taken a sort of moral high ground upon filling up the house’s Brita filter earlier in the week. “None of us want to pay for a housekeeper, but I’m also not trying to write up a chore sheet. Between that and the parking lot being a quarter mile away, life’s getting unbearable up here.”

The house’s distinct lack of knowledge regarding the dishwasher has proven a key factor, too, in the small pile forming in the community sink. Other considerations include the widespread temptation of disposable utensils, a crusty ass sponge, and the local Domino’s on speed dial.

Looking forward, the townhouse will likely need either a miracle or an assembly of freshmen to clean what used to be an entire countertop. Until then, we’ll all need to wait to see which housemate makes the first move.

—Ford Carson ’18