Several W&L fraternities were stunned this week when an area freshman arrived at houses discordant with his schedule, also leaving before his time at each fraternity was through.

In a shocking turn of events, Spalding Jameson, still smelling of the cigarette he just ripped behind Gaines, attended the dinners and desserts of each fraternity “when he wanted to.” Also donning lightwash jeans and a pretty sweet Patagonia quarterneck, Jameson graced the room with a brief upward head tilt before slipping out the front door.

Jameson, the holder of a southeastern early bid, opted to reach for a chocolate chip cookie instead of the rush chair’s outstretched hand.

“This was honestly quite shocking,” one member of the fraternity stated. “The schedule is sacred.”

-Chris Baumgarten ’19