“#Swept,” read the caption to junior “mocker” Tim LeBoise’s Facebook photo, which showed six WalMart trophies carefully organized from shiniest to least shiny (LeBoise’s proudest, of course, being the “best memorized script” award). LeBoise, who misses most major date functions so he may instead travel long distances in a rented minivan, has already had three more cups of coffee than you today and is reportedly “tired but alive, haha” from staying up all Sunday night starting his homework.

“It can be demanding,” LeBoise admitted, “but the camaraderie of the [eight-person] team makes it worth it.”

LeBoise, a philosophy and Snapchat double major, thanks you for your time and has tentative plans to shoot to the top of New York’s largest law firm upon graduation.

-Ford Carson ’18