Brew Boycott: Co-op to stop offering coffee until students stop making jokes about their coffee consumption

Co-op workers have finally put their foot down over the recent rise in caffeine-related jokes among the student body. All over campus there have been reports of students bragging about the sheer volume of caffeine that they have ingested, some of it even after 10pm. Campus-wide Snapchat analysis has supported the claim, with a notable rise in pictures of empty coffee cups, opened textbooks, tired expressions, and use of the digital clock filter. “It’s just gotten out of control,” Co-op’s Charlise Nimmon said. “I’ve never been a huge fan of cash register small talk, but if I have to hear one more work-related cliché about this damn school, I’m going to start spitting in the sunrises.” –Emily Austin ‘18