Real analysis office hours boast higher turnout than second half of football game

Six remaining fans enjoyed the second half thrill of quarterback Chet Wickers’ 2-for-3 clutch passing performance, highlighted by a nine-yard bomb that resulted in a huge first down for the Generals. When asked about the major play, diehard fan Steve von Gilligan gushed, “Sorry, I was checking my phone,” briefly mentioning that a backrest on the bleachers would be a nice touch to the stadium. “We’ve got a young team,” replied Wickers when asked about the Generals’ sixth-place ranking in the ODAC. –Andrew Coats & Ford Carson