For first-years rushing frats, fall semester is a time to explore, meet different people and figure out where they belong. But in the first week of winter term — “formal rush” — they’re required to visit every fraternity, just to make sure they’re making the right decision. Cold, icy conditions be damned for the chance you’ll like a group you’ve never met over the one you’ve known for months.
The University heard student feedback loud and clear.
“We’ve realized formal rush presents a moment of reflection — and a template we want to roll out to all university functions” an official memo said.
In an open letter, sent in nine different versions just to make sure they found one they liked, W&L admin announced a slew of new policies. These include:
- Before you’re allowed to declare your major, you must now complete every other major (just to be sure)
- Before you can order you deli sandwich in DHall, you must now eat one entree from Global Kitchen, the Pizza Bar, Lex Grill and the Cereal bar (even if it’s dinnertime).
- Before you can get a health center appointment, you must sample every type of salt and COVID test they have to offer.
“We’re a campus built on trust,” said Dean Pelton. “This policy reflects the level of trust we put in our students’ decision making.”
Professors in various departments voiced their objections to the new take-every-class policy.
“Like, I know this guy isn’t coming here,” said Physics Professor Jacobs. “I saw him and his buddies heading to the Geology cuff-and-chug the other day. But no, I have to sit here and make small talk with them all semester — we’re just bullshitting eachother.”
“It’s so annoying having to watch our guys go through the motions,” said Geology Professor Jones. “And then there’s the kids who think they’re getting a Geo bid but clearly belong with the Chem losers. They eat OUR snacks and look at OUR rocks — such a waste of time.”
When asked for comment, Dean Pelton said “Nuh uh.”
The Radish 