Love is in the air! Gross. You may remember Dudley’s speech during O-Week about how many people meet their soulmate here (talk about pressure, yikes), but have you heard about just how many couples break up? If you find yourself falling out of love with your pre-o crush, campus shadow, or late-night link, here are some tried and true recommendations from us to you. Organized by the type of breakup you want, here are the top five places to break up with your significant other on campus:
1. Coop (The Distractor)
a. If you consider yourself non-confrontational, Coop is the spot for you. It’s hard to focus on anything in Coop and your (newly ex) significant other will be so distracted that they’ll hardly even know what happened. Between the breakup, the coop workers shouting names, and the grating noise of chairs squeaking on the floor, there will be too much going on to process a change in relationship status. If you’re looking to add more confusion to the mix, do it during a class change.
2. The Colonnade (The Haunting)
a. Are you hoping your significant other never forgets you? Are you looking to leave a stain on their long term memory? Are you a big fan of Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac? Break up with your SO on the colonnade. A location tied so deeply to Washington and Lee’s traditions and culture, your ex will always be reminded of the heartbreak they encountered on that lawn. Every time they go to class, heartbreak. Every time someone posts a picture of the chapel, heartbreak. Sitting on the colonnade during graduation ceremony, heartbreak. Every reunion, heartbreak. It’s pure evil.
3. Cadaver Bridge (The Metaphor)
a. Get it? Because your relationship is dead? Cadaver is the spot for you if you want to do this poetically. It’s pretty straightforward, bonus points if you walk your separate ways across the bridge after the breakup.
4. Tea House (The Conversation)
a. The opposite of Coop, Tea House is the place for you if you want to have a conversation about the breakup. That’s commendable. Picture it: you arrive, get your coffees, sit in those chairs with the massive backs, and really dig into why this isn’t going to work out. It’s like a two for one deal; you get to
break up with your significant other, and everyone finds out you’re single in real time because of the way the noise bounces around that room.
5. Back Campus (The Scream)
a. Back Campus is the spot for you if you’re expecting a fight. With lots of room to get lost in the woods you two can really have it out and yell as loud as you need to. Alternatively, it’s a good spot to go post breakup and scream. Just make sure no one’s on a date at the gazebo while that’s going on, that would be scarring for you both.
And remember, there are always more fish in the sea (well, 1,886 minus the one you just broke up with…and the ones you’ve ended things with before…and the people still coupled up…and the long distance daters…and your friends’ exes…and the formal dates that didn’t go well…and the ones that don’t like you back…and the people that have dibs on them…yeah maybe go look somewhere else).
The Radish 