By the time I heard about the Competitors Club, it was already dead.
Last year, an event later dubbed “The Great Schism” tore through the social fabric of the group, sowing the seeds of the intricate clique structure on campus today. Yet, hardly anyone remembers it, or even knows it happened.
But many of the former members are my friends, and as a legitimate, attention-seeking journalist, it is my duty to report exactly what went down. Perhaps if I shed new light on the shenanigans that reverberate in social circles to this day, I can save other clubs from meeting the same unfortunate fate.
So, I interviewed all the key players and eyewitnesses, and constructed a sensational and maybe accurate depiction of the fall of the Competitors Club. And let me tell you, the truth is crazier than anyone can believe (but still believe it, why would I lie?).
Without further ado, I give you “The Great Schism”.
Let’s begin by going back to the year before I arrived on campus, when the Competitors Club was thriving. It was a tight-knit family of roughly 5-10 members, and they did virtually everything together.
During the week, they did club sports together. On the weekends, they ate, watched movies, went out, and even slept together. Well, I don’t know about that last one, but you get the picture. I asked the former club president, Michael Smith 24’ (alias, obviously… hehe), what his goal for the club was.
“We were a safe space for lost souls to build up self-confidence and exercise their full mental capabilities” Smith recalled fondly.
Perhaps it would be best if we dive into the scene of a motivational speech that Smith and some of the other members gave before tear night January 2022.
“Who are we?!” Smith roared.
“We are survivors! We have survived pain, adversity, and ever roadblock placed in front of us. We can overcome anything, and become anything we dream of!” replied Brendan Ferry ’25, former vice president of the club.
“We are contenders! We never give up, and always show up! If anyone doesn’t believe in us, they will wish they did by the end of the night!” added Jane Durham ’23.
“We are competitors! We are intrinsically motivated and never back down from an opportunity. The opps can score on us as much as they want, but we do not care!” piped Aiden Gruber ’24.
“And lastly, we are commanders! Beyond this sacred ground, we will go on to accomplish great things and lift others up with us. We are HIM!” Smith declared.
And that brings us to the fall of 2022, when Smith went to study abroad, and Ferry took over club recruitment and promotion. I sat down with him to get an idea of the challenges of building a successful club in a small school.
“The first thing you have to understand is, even the big schools with tens of thousands of people have a functional club of maybe a dozen or so students for this kind of thing. I mean, it was a struggle. It was really me, Jane and Aiden the whole time. And we did manage to recruit Ashley (he is referring to Ashley Jones ’26), but since what we do is so unconventional and socially demanding, it shouldn’t be a surprise that turnout was low.” Ferry explained.
However, that explanation did not satisfy Smith when he returned to campus for the winter term. Former club members told me that Smith and Ferry would frequently argue about the low club turnout, and instead of working together, the feud only escalated.
“Instead of being helpful, [Smith] just blamed me for everything, even though I was the only one doing anything to promote the club, and I got a new member to join,” Ferry ranted, “And don’t even get me started on the heinous string of texts in the group chat.”
He proceeded to show me a series of messages in which Aiden Gruber attempted to set up alternative meeting times for meals, workouts, and movies.
“We already had a club account on Instagram, but this man went and made a new one to post these new times. Bro didn’t even show up to those, by the way, because I tried to be a good sport and follow them myself. And the worst part is, he was one of my good friends! I spent an entire Saturday helping him find his swipe after he lost it, and swiped for him before that…” Ferry continued.
Ashley Jones also pitched in, recalling an infamous dinner at Smith’s house on a movie night.
“Michael [Smith] chastised him about his leadership of the club in a very judgmental and condescending way. I don’t blame [Ferry] for walking out after that. That’s basically what killed the club. Jane [Durham] would also get annoyed at some of things Michael and Aiden said about girls, though that didn’t really become a point of contention until [Ferry] left.” she told me in confidence. Oh wait, whoops maybe I shouldn’t have said that then. Whatever.
I would be a bad journalist if I did not interview the other side as well, so I did.
“Honestly, the club dying was Brendan’s [Ferry’s] fault. He broke off all contact from me and Aiden, even though we were great friends. Maybe I was harsh, but he was just gonna let the club stagnate. Survivor mindset.” complained Smith.
I should clarify that after Ferry left the club, the core philosophies of the club changed. Since Ferry was always the one to say “we are survivors”, Smith changed the definition of “survivor” to have a negative connotation. He also restructured the other three traits into a hierarchy, with the commander at the top (himself) since he was the president.
Now, you might be wondering where I fit into all this. I didn’t know these people until this year, well after the demise of the Competitors Club. You may wish that this article is my attempt to reconcile their differences, or educate other clubs like I said in the intro. Sometimes, I really wish that were true.
But since “The Great Schism,” Smith and Gruber just held more laid-back club meetings, and they don’t even advertise it anymore. They just invite people to hang out at their house, and I am one of them.
That’s right, Michael and Aiden are two of my good friends, and I go out to parties with them every weekend. I guess this whole story is just my way of saying this. Regardless of what really went down, and whose fault it was that the club split, I don’t care. We do not care.
The fact is that life is unfair. Survivors and competitors alike know that, but while survivors wallow in it, competitors accept it and decide to do something about it.
And that’s the simple truth. Maybe Brendan didn’t deserve what he got, but competitors will always come out on top. And I am a competitor.
I am the GOAT.
*evil laughter*
– Arun Ghosh, ’26
The Radish 