1) Watching people’s flatbreads blow away in the wind
Nothing like wasting one of your precious 10 swipes because fireside used cheap plates instead of a box. Ok, no one saw it, so you’re good, until you realize you have a three-hour lab today. But ok, you can sleep, it’s not like the professor really cares. Yet, maybe fate really wants to screw with you today and there’s a shelter in place.
2) Doing coffee runs for squatters in the library
During exam week, students are reminded that many of their peers have been forced to live in the library due to the housing crisis. The least they could do is to counteract the sleep deprivation with a hot coffee and a daily special from coop. Then again, maybe they deserve this for walking through the Glees arch.
3) Bungee-jumping from Cadaver Bridge onto a Trav bus while blasting the Mission Impossible music
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, bonus points if you do it on the way back from Windfall.
4) Wanting to transfer
Getting bad grades? Feeling isolated? Convicted of an HV by the EC? No problem, those feelings are totally normal. But you’ve got to keep your head up even when you take Ls because it’s not the fall, it’s how you get back up.
5) Waking up late for registration and still getting all of your classes
The ultimate flex (literally) because you’re in yoga! Now, just be careful when you step outside because first years might be waiting with knives.
6) Speech and Debate
Hey, it’s not a shameless plug if it’s already over. At this point it’s more like shameless bragging or whatever. Like why wouldn’t you watch a school sponsored strip show? And yeah, it’s a PLAY not a debate team, sorry nerds, maybe that’s why no wants to date
you.
7) Making out with as many people as possible in a single night
Time to see who’s got rizz! Never give up, and never be unmindful of the future one night stand you might get if you keep trying.
8) Hoping sex week will finally have an orgy at the end
Part of receiving a liberal arts education is to learn about social and physical sciences, which includes being physical and social at the same time. So, can we really claim students are well rounded if they haven’t been to orgy?
9) Fizzin’
Everyone’s supposed to be nice to your face, but how about behind your back? Our names are in the White Book, but never in Fizz, so anything goes. The speaking tradition isn’t dead, it just became digital. And instead of saying “hey,” we say “heyyyy this kid is such a freak.” Doesn’t it feel great?
10) Being ghosted by your Marriage Pact match
Do they already have a partner? Wouldn’t they at least tell me if so? Is it because I’m a different race? Can’t we just hook up one night and forget about it a few days later? Why do I always have to be the frog in boiling water? Are they friends with my ex? Do they think I’m an L? Am I an L? Like isn’t it rude to not even try a date? Was there an undertone in my email? Do they just never check email? I mean, they are signing a lease for senior year already but they can’t get married? What kind of world are we living in?
– Arun Ghosh, ’26
The Radish 