This past year, W&L’s administration was faced with a difficult decision: find more beds for incoming first-years, or hire new, much-needed bureaucrats to help solve the larger issue at play: a lack of beds for incoming first-years.
Topher Wright, director of student life for W&L, said last week that his new, fully-salaried employees were moved into the former theme house and hard at work on a long-term solution.
“We’ve got our fingers on the pulse of our students’ needs,” said Wright. “And this is a real problem. At our first meeting, we learned we’d actually just lost 13 more beds. Don’t worry though – my team is on it.”
Wright said his team was more than up to the task of finding more space for students. He personally vouched for their individual capabilities.
“I judged my new hires by the strictest of qualifications because I’m using University money and want to respect it,” said Wright. “Like my guy Terry. He’s punctual, personable, and always delivers on or ahead of schedule. He can be to Hillel and back in under 5 minutes.”
Wright backed up the effectiveness of his team’s work. He shared a potential solution with The Radish in a recent interview.
“I was reading online about these Japanese capsule hotels,” said Wright. “You get in and there’s just enough space to lie down – exactly the legal limit, just where I like it. And the Japanese know what they’re doing – have you seen Pokémon?”
When the Radish informed Wright of student pushback to any sort of room downsizing, Wright said students would likely use any extra space for unsavory activities.
“Let’s not act like they want the space to stretch their legs,” said Wright. “We both know they want more room so they and their friends can do weed. This happened when I was in college – when my friends would do alcohol, they’d always invite me, but the room would always be at fire capacity. Small rooms save lives.”
Despite his adamant stance against expansion, Wright’s request for “itty-bitty-teeny-weeny” rooms (pulled from an official request form) was ultimately denied by the university. However, Wright said his compromise with W&L will simply add more beds to existing dorms.
“The twin XL beds will be spaced about a foot and a half apart, which really isn’t that bad,” said Wright. “If my wife and I can do it for 30 years, you can manage for nine months.”
For more information on upcoming dormitory changes, visit www.residencelife.com/you-can-manage-for-nine-months.
– Chas Chappell, ’25
The Radish 